All I have lost in 2011

I lost my Sister two days before my Birthday, I lost my Mother on Mothers Day, I lost my Daughter just before Halloween at the same time I lost my Son and my Best Friend and partner of 12 years.
 I hope 2012 is a better year, maybe this is the year my ex will find her heart and let me have visits with my Daughter, I cut her cord when she was born, she does have my last name and she lives close enough to find her true home.

  I wish thing could have been better, but they are what is. I was not wrong for calling the State Police when Edward put that shotgun to my head and pulled the trigger, because I raised him from the age of three until he did that at age seventeen, and on the same night his Mother was arrested for Domestic Violence and five counts of UN-secured weapons. Or throwing the dog across the room, or raging because we wouldn't let you smoke pot. 
 Yes I called the police and I would do it again, because anyone who would do that to someone who raised you and loved you as a Father needs help.
 My daughter is the only one who loses in this whole mess, Maegan Ann Martin my daughter who is less than two miles from my home, her home, and I can't see her just because I called the State Police because I was almost Murdered in front of her by the same people she has to live with, and there is nothing I can do about it.

The Son I Lost

 I met my son when he was three years old, you see he is my best friends son and after my friend died from cancer I raised as my own. 
 I use to go on walks with him, on these walks we could talk about anything, he would tell me about his day and I told him about mine. Sometimes we wouldn't say anything, but we were together. 
 I helped him learn how to ride his bike, then once he learned you couldn't get him off it. We use to go hiking, fishing, I remember the first fish he caught, it was a small Bluegill but to him it was a world record I still have the picture I took, now I look at it and I always smile. We use to go to the Cape to go camping and camping at the DAR, My son was a big help setting up the camp. 
 He had chores and even though he didn't like them he always did them, and because of that he made me so very proud to call him my son.
 As he got older I did my best to make sure I went to every school function, If I had a few extra bucks I would make sure he had some on him so he could go to school store or just hang with his friends. And when he started dating I made sure he had some money so he could take his girlfriend out for a good time. I even gave him fifty dollars to take his girlfriend to the fair one week before I lost him. 
 I watched a boy grow into a man right before my eyes and I was the proud parent, even though he wasn't my biological son he was my son by the grace of God.
 I guess I could have done more by him but I didn't know how to be a father so I did my best. 
 The good out weighs the bad and even though he now wishes I was dead, I still love him, respect him, forgive him but most of all I miss my son. I just wish he could put aside the problem of  9/25/2010 and understand I had to do what I did and forgive me as I have him for his actions.
 Someday he might look back and see I was always there for him, but there is a price to pay when you lash out.

Just a Phone Call Would be Nice

  The newest thing is my ex telling me Maegan doesn't want anything to do with me, she don't even call me Dad anymore. I've been told by my ex son Ed that Maegan doesn't even love me anymore. I have asked them both to have her give me a call to tell me this herself but I don't even get a phone call. 
  I found out that someone called child protective services on Pam and how did she deal with it, she left town and didn't inform DFC where she was moving, they got in touch with me and I told them where she moved to. Now they are investigating her for abuse. 
  Pam has been to court on a number of times to tell the court she is so afraid of me and or what I might do to her or her son. Oh how the tears flowed and there was such a fear of what I might do that Pam did the only thing she could have done, she moved from 25 miles away from my house to 1 mile from where I live. That is what I would do if I was truly afraid of someone, move closer to that person. So now she lives in the trailer park in Russell. This is the same town of Russell in Massachusetts I was born and raised in as was my Father, my Grandfather, my Great-Grandfather and my Great-Great-Grandfather. Ya you could say I have roots here.
  Is it me or is it a stupid idea to move less than 2 miles from someone who you are "in such fear of ". 

So Close

   My daughter is now living in the Town of Russell, she is left with her brother who put a loaded gun to my head and a Mom who only has time for her boyfriend. Please say a prayer to open up that cold black heart of my ex and let her see Maegan needs both her Mom as well as her Dad. 

  I would be happy just to get a phone call once a week, but the only thing I get is threats from my ex, her boyfriend G Moore and her son E Riel. 

Time to move on

  For my own good I must move on. This in no way means I won't ever stop Loving my daughter, however I can't let the loss of my daughter rule my every thought.
  I have to just know in my heart one day we will be together for ever. In the mean time I need to start going on with my life. I need to start getting out and meeting people, start looking for someone to share my life with, find someone I can go on day trips with, take boating, enjoy the day just talking.
  I ain't going to live forever, I'm just going to live while I'm alive!!!!!!

I Survived Pam Riel: A Letter To Maegan

I Survived Pam Riel: A Letter To Maegan: "I will never stop Loving you, I will always hold you within my heart. I will always be here for you, I will always be your DAD. Your Mom wi..."